SCAR TISSUE

Pearl of the Day: No Bounce Backs

Not sure who started it but how do I loathe the day I need to share the pearl “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you” with my children.

Usually, that “comeback” pearl is taught and used in self-defense. I think of all the comebacks I’ve had to arm myself with over the years, as a child, adult, lawyer and now as a mother and wonder how it is any of us function.

We all take our licks from our families and childhood. Emerging completely unscathed is impossible. No matter whether your parents are “normal” and your childhood “happy” or your parents are “abusive” and your childhood “horrible”- we all have our bruises.

Obviously some wounds run deeper than others but we all seek to heal them. Once a wound is gashed it has a chance to heal, from the inside out, hopefully without forming scar tissue and without leaving a scar.

My son, daughter and I have matching scars. When I was 5, I so gracefully plowed into a wall, was rushed to the emergency room and now have a scar above my eye as a souvenir. My son recently smacked into a table and has a scar above his eye and my daughter had a procedure leaving her with a scar above her eye.

These scars will always be remembrances of the incidents that led to their creation. Yet the emotional scars like my son thinking “why didn’t my mommy catch me” are more subtle and can run deeper. Even when you vow not to repeat the steps of your mother who was never there for you, you may find yourself checking out or suddenly falling ill when your daughter needs you most.

Or if you come from a “broken” home severed by an ugly divorce, you may feel the need to completely clutch onto your partner no matter how dysfunctional your relationship may be. Or, you may be used to someone acting like Swiper the Fox and snatching everything away from you even though you were enjoying it and now find yourself cutting your children’s playtime short.

Emotional scarring often leads to unconscious conditioning. How do you pick yourself up, process your emotions and then forge ahead? Especially since once a scar sets, it’s done, it happened, there’s no magic eraser. The best be can do is tend to the wound, watch for infection and avoid salt.

I try to pick up on my kid’s cues and observe how they cope when a sore spot is struck. Yet they are porous beings and you’ll never know just how deep their chords run.
If you repeat your parent’s mistakes and gash another with the same sword that scarred you, it’s just re-opening your own wounds. Ultimately, each individual must process their own stuff and vet their own wounds. In doing so, grab your rubber band and snap back what doesn’t belong to you!

Listen to the Mommas Pearls Radio Show "Scar Tissue" www.blogtalkradio.com/mommaspearls

Copyright © 2010 Cynthia Litman d/b/a Tigris Imprints. All Rights Reserved.