BEAUTY MARK

Pearl of the day: Mirror of Love

In Margaret Wolfe Hungerford novel “Molly Bawn” we first hear the pearl “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Unfortunately our magic mirror on the wall is jaded.

How we feel, identify and measure “beauty” is generally either reflected to us by a piece of glass or other people’s subjective perception of our beauty. Other’s perceptions are greatly influenced by societal notions. Yet, external sources of beauty are mirror demons.

We all have our mirror demons and trust me my cultural beauty demons are showing, gray hairs, fine lines, sagging skin, stretch marks, all my badges each spawned an array of products to zap, erase, diminish or turn back the clock. A very beautiful and fashion forward friend says “you don’t need Botox but every woman needs some concealor!”

My grandmother had the most beautiful face, it was my face, aged to 90+ years, complete with gorgeous lines, deep piercing eyes, grays that framed her face and the back of her hair still shiny black. She was a beautiful petite woman who aged well and held a wealth of knowledge, poise and wisdom.

I think of her and look into the mirror and wonder how can “smile” lines be anything less than beautiful?? I love smiling and would much rather sport smile lines than frown lines!

Yet, I still feel too young to let the grays really grown in and color treat my hair. Although I extend the touch ups with thick headbands!! I see fellow mommas squeezing in their Botox appointments and going for the Mom Special – namely: boob lift, tummy tuck and facial tweaks.

What do I care what I look like when I do not have to look at myself? I mean, am I the only one who thinks it odd that you can see every one else in the world but you can never get a full real time 360 view of yourself?

Then I look at my daughter, my beautiful, delicious, bright-eyed girl with a mega watt delicious personality and think of the example I wish to be for her.

While we love girl time when we brush each others hair and pick out pretty clothes, I would be remiss if she ever needed anything external to help her feel beautiful.

In other words, I’ll be dammed if my girl sets off on a path to pursue an airbrushed version of herself and feels beautiful only if she is told by someone else that she is so. To me, this is an empty shell. Maintaining her “substantive style” and a secure core is much more attractive and will never depreciate in value.

She has a ritual where after she’s dressed she goes, “I show daddy” and runs and screams, “Daddy, look! I so Pretty!!” He re-affirms that she is “soooooooooo pretty”. That reinforcement from daddy is a key component to her self esteem. If he responded in the negative she might be just crushed. Her self esteem could sway either way on the teeter-totter see saw which is a girl’s self esteem barometer.

Yet what happens if daddy’s not there? Does she then not feel pretty? Am I teaching her that only when she is dressed she is pretty? One of my amazing law school girl friends believes “you can never tell a girl that she is pretty too often.”

I embrace a broad definition of “beauty” and acknowledge my daughter’s beautiful character. Like when she goes to bandage my boo boo I will say “it’s so beautiful how caring you are.” While still an outward action I feel it is important to reinforce beauty as not just material things or based upon how she looks.

I truly love finding the small beautiful moments in her everyday actions. More importantly I counter the beauty with expressions of love.

I love you soooooooooo much is a game we play and as a parent little is more beautiful than the love you hold for and the love you receive from your children!!

We behold the initial turn key to what our children will perceive as beautiful and what the key points in their inner makeup that will make them feel beautiful. Put aside your own insecurities and biases and see your miraculous creations only and always as beautiful!!

For a passionate look at the media’s negative effects on young girls self esteem watch the documentary film by my client, filmmaker and former Elite fashion model Nicole Clark.
COVER GIRL CULTURE www.CoverGirlCulture.com

Copyright © 2010 Cynthia Litman d/b/a Tigris Imprints. All Rights Reserved.