Momma Bear

Pearl of the day: Trust your instincts

We need to take a cue from the great Black Momma Bears instinctual pearls and protect our cubs and teach them to fend for themselves.

My mother in law always says “I’m very nice but if you mess with my kids I morph into a momma bear.” This is a natural instinct for ALL parents, human, animal, etc. We bare our children and can not bare them being in harms way.

However, some parents take protectionism to the extreme and guard their kids against everything that their cubs never have to fend for themselves. It’s like forever winter for that cub will always be in hibernation. Eventually, the momma bears leave and that cub will not have the necessary skills to cope with their environment, find their own food, climb the highest tree to escape being prey.

On the other end of the spectrum exists the don’t call me I’ll call you style of parenting where from the get go the cubs are on their own. The innate sense of security that one should feel with their mommas is non-existent and that cub may permanently be detached from others.

I’ve surveyed a few of my mom friends and most seem to lean towards the middle path which is the do your thing but I’m here if you need me approach.

One mom friend shared how through this year she had so much preoccupation that her kids had to take care of themselves. Her kids are young and yet they managed their responsibility with a sense of individualism and negotiated through scoffs with each other without interference. Another mom friend said she encourages independence and is often showered with praise by other moms and teachers at how well adjusted her children are.

Yet when the momma bear is challenged the best choice of action is not always clear cut. For instance, what do you do when you are at your son’s bris and see the cross eyed Mohel getting ready to circumcise your son? After cracking up for a minute and coming back to reality do you trust the recommendations from your friends who said he does a great job or do you go, I do not like what I see, I’m not sure you can see, take a hike.

Other choices are evident. If your cub goes charging out into traffic, you stop them. If someone is unjustly yelling at your child you pounce on that person. If you are uncomfortable with a drop off party you stay nearby to keep an eye out. If your daughter had got a lock on your son’s arm with her teeth you pry her off and so on.

For one day your little cubs are going to go off into the wild without you and you know what, they’ll do great and if not, blame the papa bear. :)

For other interesting reads:
Time Magazine: “The Growing Case Against Overparenting” – By Nancy Gibbs November 20, 2009

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